Broken computer, broken heart

I am SORRY, computer, for any wrongs I have done you! I should've bought a protective foamy cover for you, but I didn't. I should get the special screen cloth to wipe my fingerprints off your screen, but I use Windex-the off brand. I should not eat and use you at the same time- but I do... I didn't treat you right, computer, and for that, I apologize. On that note, or perhaps another hand, or something like that, WHY YOU GOTTA DO DAT TO ME? You broke. You no longer recognize your cord as your ally, you don't recognize it at all. That's just rude. Never fear. I will buy you a new (eighty-dollar) cord, with my limited funds. I promise not to drop you again, I will always get down, out of my bed, then set you on a safe, stable surface before I go to bed. I will use a napkin, instead of my tongue, to remove BBQ chip crumbs from my fingers before I touch you. Whatever you want. Just, please, for the love of god, keep working until I graduate. That is the allotted time that I need you for. THEN (and only then) you may retire, and I will use you for Free Cell and Free Cell only, and I will use my MacBook Pro for work. Deal?



On a COMPLETELY unrelated note, look at this cupcake.

Eww. Now. I like cupcakes. The icing is supposed to be the best part.
You know, I shouldn't even have to post this. I am not going to forget! This is one of my principles! This is a deep GUT REACTION THAT WILL NEVER GO AWAY! But, on the off chance that someone wants to bring me a cupcake at any given time (I will totally give you my exact coordinates so you can do just that, but brownies are good too) don't bring me a cupcake like this. I will NOT EAT IT.
The icing is SUPPOSED TO BE

I am a little obsessed with ALL CAPS TODAY. Sorry. This is one third of the amount of capital letters I was originally going to use.

Anyway. The icing is supposed to be the best part. Not that icing up there. That is what cool whip is supposed to look like, when it's from a can. Canned cool whip is definitely the most entertaining way to go. We all know that. That icing up there looks... evil. Like decorative poop. It reminds me of poop. Why do they have to get all "fancy?" Hmmm? IT'S A CUPCAKE PEOPLE!!!! Cupcakes, by definition, are supposed to be childish and silly, and the opposite of fancy. Cupcakes are like mac and cheese from a box. Mac and cheese from a box will never be macaroni pasta with a heavy creamy cheese sauce that warms you up and makes you feel like there are cobblestone streets directly outside of your window. Cupcakes will never be cheesecake. Cupcakes should remind you of getting all excited because of how swelteringly hot it is outside, so you change into your cheesy little swimsuit with the huge Hawaiian flowers all over it, and you run like a madman outside to play with the garden hose. Then you stand at the door, dripping and full of energy, no matter what your mood is, and beg to go inside. But you can't. Because you're an annoying little kid, with dirty grassy feet, and you are soaked. So you wiggle your cute little kid butt until your mom brings you a cupcake. It's ugly. But you look at that sloppily smeared on pink icing, which has hardened from sitting on the counter all day, and you see perfection. Because now you can lick on that cupcake like it's a tootsie roll pop, and the icing is all sugary and full of delicious red 40 and imitation vanilla flavor. Then you infuse the sugary remnants with the muffin top, gnaw into it like a wild animal, and throw the rest of that nasty thing into the yard. NOT FANCY!

Fancy and yummy are not in the same ball park. They can be, if they want to be, they often are, but from a child's point of view- the two couldn't be more different.

What have we learned?
1. Slop that icing on like you don't even care what it looks like, because it's already made of sugar and pink, and you are thinking about putting sprinkles on, but only the good kind that isn't the gross rock sugar that couldn't conflict more with the soft textures of the cupcake, and basically, a bunch of kids are going to eat the cupcakes. The less fancy, the better it tastes, and the less "butter cream" they get on their forehead.
2. Don't think I don't have a rule about any given topic. I have rules about EVERYTHING, and very few things to back those rules up. But those things, those backers, could stretch on for PAGES.