Independence Day Dreams

INTERNET, let me tell you about my dream!

I totally booted up my comptron several hours ago to type all this out, but I got distracted. Because television, as some like to say.

Anywhoser. So, if I remember correctly, which even if I don't, it doesn't really matter, this is how I went down. If it was at all similar to anything, maybe it was Memento style or like some sort of low-prestige, vastly-entertaining crime drama like Castle.

I like reverse engineered it (in my dream) from these pictures of someone at their 4th of July party. I remember looking at a computer screen, wondering why one picture had a white background while all the others had a black background, and they were very high quality pictures and were they allowed to take in-the-moment quality photos like that or was it secretly a photo shoot for the sole purpose of filling in picture frames. Maybe one day these smiling party-goers would have "$4.97" and "8 x 11" stamped on their stomachs, to one day live in someone's home for several months before they remembered to put in a picture of someone they actually know. They didn't rush, because these party people really did look they were having a good time. Maybe I do know them.

It's too late in the day, so I don't remember much else, but the party was in this corn field that grew dinosaur eggs instead of corn (which is totally normal) and everybody camped there and I want to go camping and just sort of lay there in the cold, smell the fire, look at the stars and think about infinity, and maybe a corn field would be just as good as a place as a bear-populated forest. Maybe. Forest not Forrest, Cait. Forrest is a person.

And when everybody woke up, there were these authority figures that SLID in in these green human-sized bird cages, with white Christmas lights twined up all around them, and if I was to do interior decorating in my own home, I should hope that it has stuff that cool.

Maybe this wasn't a dream. Maybe I just woke up and implanted a dream so that I'd have something to think about today to distract me from the "Kroll Bond Rating Agency".

Meditation

Alright, this is going to start out differently than I thought. Because... lots of things. Anyway, "meditation" reminds me of Owen Wilson because "meditation" is only a small hop away from "mediation" which is an interesting business approach, paying anyone for consulting services because you're mad but not mad enough to involve more official people which is the main reason I watched that one show with Sarah Shum-aloom-ading-dong (I straight-up cannot remember what her name is, and I could just imdb.com it but I'm on a roll here!)), and that's also what redhead lady... AMY ADAMS, that's her name, does in that one movie where she's a princess and whats-his-face is a divorce lawyer and she ruins everything by getting the couple back together, and that's also what Owen Wilson and Vince whats-his-face do in that Wedding Crashers movie. And also, Isla Fischer is in that movie, and I bet she meditates. Probably.

Hollywood types supposedly like yoga. I don't think I quite see the appeal, but that might just be my blanket disapproval of exercise. Maybe if exercise involved more movie watching, then I could get into that. Maybe I'll start the next season of Alias today and do some lunges. I saw this thing on the internet that said lunges are good for your butt. (Oooh, "lunges" just looks like I'm really having a hard time spelling "lungs"... interesting. It's spelled fairly simply, but it does NOT look like it sounds.)

On second thought- Nah.

So I came here to mark this occasion, and it's already over, because in the process of wanting to mark it, I stopped it. I realized that I wasn't thinking about anything. My mind "was" a blank. My mind is never a blank. I'm not saying it's all about profound spurts of wisdom, rolling around in my skull 27/7, but I'm usually at least thinking about my hair. I'm pretty shallow when it comes to hair, really. Which is so annoying. Then I think about how annoying that is. Then that inevitably reminds me of something else- AND OH MY GOD- I just realized that "remind" has "mind" in it, and there's like little Spongebobs running around the office in your brain, looking through all the filing cabinets, going through the mind process and re-doing it, thinking about it for the second time. WHOA.

So, with my mind blank, like it WAS, and may never be again, I might have been able to meditate. Like, legs crossed applesauce, finding nirvana, floating a few inches off the floor.

I don't think I'm missing out, really.

Rom-Com Gimmick

(Edit: this post was written in October/November of 2012, and is now being published because science. Newton's Law of Motion. What are you going to do about it?)

What about if you told a story of two people, two soul mates, if you will, that meet/don't meet or whatever, and you don't ever show them together? Like is it really real if they aren't together, is it just an illusion, or what? So you start out, and they aren't together, and they start not being together from the day they are born. Then they grow up and they are not together. Then they meet- we don't see that, but we hear about it. And they miss each other, we see all of that. We see the loneliness and the hope but never them sharing their lives.
You call it- Apart.

Also, I just finished Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I think the title was a little misleading. He was quiet, not a non-participant. Not a wall. Maybe a flower. For some reason I get so confused by what those movies are about when they are all alone for the whole movie, like that Buried one or 127 hours, but then I get so jealous/frustrated when a supposed loner is an outright party-er. One or the other, Cait.

And Veronica don't forget the Veronica stories. She is jotted down somewhere.

Suddenly

I recently stumbled upon an article written by a publisher about what to take out of your writing. It seems that this publisher is not a fan of several different phrases that I had thought to be common, and therefore, occasionally comfortable to see. One such phrase/wording Mr. Publisher shunned was "Suddenly." Or maybe it was "all of the sudden..." which would make more sense because how could something be partially of the sudden, but whatever. First seeing this, there was nothing but disappointment, because of my appreciation for the children's book. How could you not love it? That piggie in his little train conductor's outfit is adorable (not to mention how skilled he is at averting death...) I feel like I may have once read a French translation of it, because my increasingly disappearing French vocabulary still contains suddenly=soudain, if I'm not mistaken.

Anyway, once I got over this percieved betrayal and got to thinking about the explanation, I can't stop thinking about it. Mr. Publisher says that "suddenly" is redundant, because of course it happened suddenly, everything that happens is sudden. One minute it's this, then the very next minute, it's changed to that! I've decided that this is accurate, especially concerning people. Observable changes always feel sudden to me, even if I could see them coming. Like, let's say my sister was a werewolf and the day before the full moon, her arms get all super-hairy and her back distorts all gangly and hunched and her teeth are just getting longer and longer. And she would have claws coming out of her toes. We can't forget the claws. Even though you know she's becoming this werewolf/more sarcastic/more responsible/whatever transition is supposedly "gradual", all things are quantified and classified. She's a minor. She's an adult. She's a student. She's a nurse. She's a human. She's a werewolf. Whenever that classification happens to change, even if it's been developing for years, if it's significant enough to even note in the first place, the officiality of it all is magnificent. It's a weight, a big symbolic weight thrown on to your shoulders, this classification, I mean. And that's the trouble with goodbyes.

One moment they're there. Then they are just gone. I'm getting to the point where I want to make as small of a deal about all goodbyes as humanly possible. I don't want to have to ease out of it, because a little-bit-there is there and a little-bit-gone is just as annoying as being gone. It's just awkward, and I don't need ANY help in that department. Not that there aren't more awkward people around, it's just that I'm the one I have to deal with 24/7. Having to stop any conversation, whether I was going to the bathroom or going to sleep or leaving the country is just ridiculous. I want to just reduce all goodbyes to a spectrum of "hold that thought" to a hug and a "I'll text you later." Anything out of that spectrum is too hard. I don't want to watch people walk away, or worry that I should look over my shoulder while I'm leaving so that it doesn't seem like I don't care. I do care, which is the problem. Do other people care about that, though?