This Warms My Cold Dark Place

Internet Shorthand as Translated by a Proper Englishman
hah! = I found your last comment humorous, good sir!
hahaha = My jubilant utterance could be heard in the next room!
lol (laugh out loud) = I did laugh merrily in an out loud fashion.
rofl (rolling on floor laughing) = I dare say I fell onto the ground, and proceeded to roll about as if I were swine of some sort.
lmao (laughing my a off) = I laughed so intensely that my buttocks nearly disconnected from my flesh.
omg (oh my god) Gordon Bennett!
zomg (oh my god with a z at the beginning) = zGordon Bennett!
w/e (whatever) = Right. Would you like some tea?
stfu = If you were drinking tea right now, you would not be speaking.
ily (I love you) = I dare say, if I weren’t a proper Englishman and my heart was not a cold dark place, I suspect I would feel quite passionate about you.
roflcopter (rolling on the floor laughing…copter) = As I was rolling about on the floor, emitting sounds of jubilance, I did see a strange flying machine.
j/k (just kidding) = An Englishman never kids.
afk (away from keyboard) = I will be absent from this typing device for the time being.
idk (i don’t know) = I know, but I’d rather not say.
pos (parent over shoulder) = The nanny is about.
ftw (for the win) = Victory!
ftl (for the lose) = Defeat? I do not believe that is so. We have clearly planted the flag of our nation. Do you not see the flag? Victory!
roflwaffles = roflcrumpets
bff (best friends forever) = eternal acquaintance
l8r g8r (later gator) = I bid you adieu, American reptile.
omgwtfbbq (oh my god, what the f, barbecue) = Great deity in heaven, what in the queen’s name is that? That makes less sense than an outdoor cooking apparatus.